You know you’ve been in Malawi too long when…

You forget American Holidays until your dad reminds you (Happy belated Mother’s Day)

Your family forgets to tell you about vacation plans, births, and heart attacks

You cook nsima using your feet and/or legs to hold the pot

You pick up hot charcoal with your bare hands

You look at yourself in the mirror once a week, if you have a mirror. When you do look at yourself, you don’t recognize the person staring back at you

You no longer miss Home Depot because everything you need to build is locally available (mud bricks, corn stalks, mud, broom handles)

You say things like “in my culture”, “According to my side”, switching L’s and R’s both writing and speaking, and speaking in third person to get your point across: “madam is not happy”

A teacher tells you that you are a “bad woman”

You can’t remember the sensation of ordering whatever you want off a menu and not worrying if they have it or not

Paying for the guinea fowl your dog killed is just another weekly expenditure

You argue over a 6 cent discount at the market

You wear stripes, floral, and solids in one outfit. And then your neighbor children tell you that you are dressed nicely and you gladly take the compliment as if your effort getting dressed paid off

You can sing along to all of the commercials on Zodiak (ZBS radio, Malawi)

You can’t remember the last time you talked to any of your family on the phone

You get in heated debates about development with Members of Parliament, who picked you up on the side of the road, because you feel entitled to an opinion on how they run the country

You convert prices into Kwacha to determine if it’s expensive or not

You love free transport and are outraged at the idea of having to pay for petrol (I mean, gas), insurance, or maintenance of a vehicle

Your neighbors heat bath water for you because they are afraid you won’t bathe

You start believing in witchcraft because you have evidence for yourself

You buy Doom because something keeps biting you when you sleep and makes you itch like crazy

You know that a full moon means all night drumming and singing

The termites eat through the poles of your fence in one week, you burn down your fence, the termites eating the door frame keeps you up at night, you take a hoe to your door frame because the termites already ate through the 2 X 3

You’ve killed a chicken and hung it on your fence to drain

You fantasize about store-bought chicken, already killed, de-feathered, gutted, cleaned, and cooked!


Well, my loves, this signifies the beginning of the end. I’ll be departing the warm heart of Africa in September! It’s bitter-sweet. There are times when I am ready to get off this continent and be close to my family while other days (scratch that, hours) I can’t imagine saying goodbye and giving up this beautiful life. I’ve enjoyed so much of my time here and despite the many struggles, I am happy I made this decision. It has made me a better person, especially in being more self-aware. I know my strengths and weaknesses now. I’m still stubborn (sorry Mom and Dad) but I know where I’ve been and where I want to go. What more can I ask for right now? mmmm… Cheesecake!