On a mission to be

What I’m destined to be

I’ve been though the pain and the sorrow

This struggle is nothing but love

For the 5 (okay 4) people who follow my blog, I dedicate this entry to myself. This is my year of self-discovery. It seems that everywhere I look, I find something new about myself, for example:

§ I stay calm when I find a snake

§ I love baking (I always thought I was only good at cooking and my mom was the baker in the family)

§ I can laugh when I’m reminded every day how fat I am (in a beautiful, loving way of course)

§ I am still really bad about making time for exercising, but it’s actually nice to run with someone instead of by myself

§ I enjoy spending time alone (something I used to dread)

§ Maybe I don’t want to get married and have kids

§ Maybe I’d adopt on my own if I don’t find someone to spend my life with

§ God, and my relationship with God, is my concern, and mine alone

§ Most often complaining or listening to complaining only brings me down

§ My mood is tied to the weather

§ Using a hoe to till is a great way to get out my frustrations

§ Opening up to my neighbors gives me an entirely different sense of purpose for being in Malawi

§ I’m a lot stronger than I (or most everybody) gives me credit for

During my initial 3 months of training, my group thought I’d be the one to give up and go home. At the time I didn’t care about their opinion. I wasn’t here to prove to them that I could make it. Now looking back, I’m a little bothered that people characterized me as a failure. I love being here. I love my neighbors, my kids, and the weather. I like my job, my house, my community. I dislike the apathy and laziness. I hate the disrespect I’m shown, the kids who harass me, and being sick. Life here is not perfect. There are plenty of moments I lose my patience and on a few occasions, snap. But I can’t imagine being anywhere else.

I am honest about my emotions, something more people are afraid to do. If you ask me how I’m doing, I won’t say fine if I’m not. I’ve always valued my honesty, although some would prefer I only share the good.

Today was a good day. I ate breakfast at my neighbors, took a quick shopping trip into town, and cooked stir-fried eggplant for lunch. I found bugs in my rice, after I put it in to cook. It took me 30 minutes to start a fire, and I burned my thumb on the charcoal. My backyard is flooding and I’m worried about my seedlings. I helped plant flowers are my boss’s house with his kids. I cut material to make a skirt. Tonight I will play with Andrew and eat nsima with my family. This is my life and I wouldn’t give it away.

I encourage everyone to be honest. With others and with yourself, especially. I have been reflecting daily on different topics and started a meditation journal. Here are some words of wisdom, by Meagan Wyllie.

Happiness is a decision, not a consequence.

Only dreams give birth to Change.

Dream, hope, plan.

Living simply doesn’t mean going without, but de-cluttering your life to enjoy the simple moments.

Forget what the world wants. Be what you want. Don’t let the world define your happiness.

As a child we know what we want with assurance. Strive for that decisiveness again. Don’t be afraid to be stubborn to get what you really want.

Laugh

Laugh

Laugh

I love you all and look forward to reconnecting in a short 9 months.