Midlife Crisis

What a disappointment I must be to all of my loyal readers. Ok, so my family and a few friends. Since everyone returned, life has been normal with work and family time. My Dad and I went to see OneRepublic at the HOB downtown and I loved it!

My Dad and I share a love of music. It started when I was little and he would play Beatles and Beach Boys records for me. Now the tradition has been started to see concerts together. The big names have included Dixie Chicks, Jack Johnson, John Mayer, Ben Folds, and now OneRepublic.

I have also spent lots of my time here, at Torrey Pines Reserve State Beach. I went here as a child and it is the closest beach to my Brother's house. Don't worry, I have nice tan lines now that the sunburn has gone away.

I have fallen in love with a book. Just when I thought there was no salvation for my summer reading blues, I stumbled across Oxygen. Working at Barnes and Noble, I am fortunate to have access to advanced copies of books. They send them to book stores to be read and reviewed before the books are mass marketed. Oxygen came out this month and I would highly recommend it. It is about an anaesthesiologist working in Seattle and a malpractice suit that is filed. Its great writing that makes you think and it even has a twist ending.

I have been hit by the summer flu. It spread like wildfire through our house, and I'm taking the brunt of it. You know its bad when you can't even smell the ounces you have put on your chest of this stuff.

I watched Into the Wild last night with a friend. The movie made me think a lot about my own life and where I'm at. If you haven't seen it or read the book, it is about a recent college graduate that leaves his life behind including money, ID's, etc and hits the road, eventually going to Alaska to live in the wilderness alone. This movie hit the spot to reflect a little more on where I am and where I want to go next. Even having gone to a conservative school like BYU, I still feel liberal in my thinking about the world and what it has to offer. I am living my own adventure and leaving things I care for deeply behind when I go to Africa. I am searching for knowledge about the world but more importantly about who I am. It is an uncomfortable place to be in. One where I feel vulnerable and alone. I'm crossing the bridge into adulthood but I don't know if I like what I see in the future. I am learning that my actions alone dictate the person I will become. I don't feel capable enough to be trusted with this immense power. How can someone with such little experience have faith that their decisions are the right ones?

And last but not least, 59 days! All my money is poured into purchases for Malawi. How do you pack for 2 years? I'm slowly learning the language, Chichewa, although I haven't been motivated to listen to the lessons online. I am preparing myself to say goodbye to a lot of people I love. To any Mormon, you can roll your eyes at my complaints of 2 years away from home. It is expected for boys to go on missions. It is daily life. But for me 2 years means so much more. I will miss marriages, births, deaths, milestones, and memories created by my family and friends. I can accept that. What I cannot accept is knowing how alone I might feel. I cannot accept the failure that might face me. I must strive in my work and be successful. I need to remember that Africa is so much more then just 2 years of my life. It is a journey that will change me forever. My priorities, the directions I take in my career, the type of person I choose to spend my life with, how I raise my kids. All of these things are at risk of change. I must learn to trust Africa with my goals, hopes, fears, and ambitions.

It sure is a beautiful place.